Do YOU Bind-It-All?

I've had this gadget about a month now, and I must say I just love it! It is an amazing little punch/binder which means you can produce really great mini books and other bound projects.
I've used it for lots of different things so far, and today I finished my favourite yet.

This is a card organiser I made for my friend Sarah. It is made using Fancy Pants papers, which came in my July Scrapagogo kit. There is space to record the birthdays etc for each month, and also pockets to keep cards in. I bound it, of course, with the BIA.

This is a project I have started but have yet to finish. It is a 6x6 book made using the Heidi Grace papers and cardstock from my September Scrapagogo kit. The papers are textured and very tactile, so lovely to work with. I'm planning on taking photographs of things in my life just now to put in the book. When I get round to it lol!
So this is my last week of 'freedom' before I go back to work. My depression is sorted now, and I feel better than I have done in a long time. I am starting to get out more on a social level. WAY is still a great support for me, and later this month we are going to Center Parcs Nottigham for the annual WAY meetup. The girls found it hard initially to realise that there are unfortunately lots of other boys and girls who have lost their mummy or daddy. I am hoping friendships will be formed when we are there. No-one quite understands unless they have been there themselves.
Other than that, life is ticking along nicely. My throat has healed amazingly well, and I have more energy now that the constant low level infection has gone. Going back to work will be just fine. After all, I am lucky to only have to work two days a week. Got to watch the pennies, but other than that I will have plenty of time for my lovely girls.
Bye for now
Anna

Sisters on canvas

Finally finished this off today. The canvas is painted with the same colour as is now on my hall walls, so it is to go on the stairs up to my mum and dad's bedroom. Papers are BG Scarlet's Letter, BG mini monos, Little Silver Hat ribbons, blooms from my LSH kit and from Sarah's Cards.

Pleased with how it turned out. Now to start on a birthday book for my buddy Sarah.

Mission accomplished!

Hooray! Managed to pick up a pink power ranger costume at good ole' Marks and SPraks today. Alex will love it. Now to track down what I need for Sophie...

I went to the doctor's today to sort my final sick note. I am going back to work on 16th October, doing my two days a week as planned. It will be good to be back, just got to make sure I don't lose my voice. That is why I am off for the next two weeks, as I get hoarse as soon as I try and make myself heard. I'm teaching in reception and in year 3/4, so it will be nice to expand my repertoire, so to speak!

So I am off now to scrap, I am in the middle of doing a canvas for the hall wall. Looking good so far.

Power Rangers Plea...

Can you help? Alex, my three year old, has developed a love of the Power Rangers. So I thought it might be a good idea to get her a Power Rangers dressing up outfit for Christmas. Ages away yet, I know, but I like to get organised early!
Trouble is, I can find the boy Power Ranger costumes in blue, red or green, but no girl Power Ranger costumes, in pink or yellow. I know Alex will want the pink version, so if you know where I might be able to order one from, please leave me a comment!

Otherwise I am still feeling pretty rough. I am hoping to turn the corner with this soon, but at least I know I won't be getting recurrent tonsilitis once this is done with.

Time to smile!

Today I booked a trip to this for a surprise for my lovely girls this Christmas. I have toyed with the idea of going to Lapland proper, but the cost and my lone status has ruled it out. Then yesterday I saw a link to the Lapland UK page, discussed it with a friend today and booked it! It looks great, can't wait for the invitation to arrive a fortnight before we go! It is a secret from the girls, so if you see them, please don't spoil it!

I went back to the doctor's today, as I am not coping so well with the post op pain. I have some stronger pain relief now, so I should be able to get some sleep tonight. I've had a quiet and relaxing day today, so I am hoping I will sleep better tonight.

Nothing else to report really, I haven't felt up to much crafting. Must get that sorted!

Feeling alone

On Wednesday I felt horribly alone. Even though I was surrounded by family and friends who mean everything to me, I still felt alone. I wanted Nigel to be there at the hospital with me when I went down to theatre, for him to be waiting on the ward for me when I came back from surgery.
I am lucky to have some amazing friends, and my mum and dad have been fantastic with the girls this week. Nigel hated hospitals, but I know he would have been there for me when I had my op.

I miss you Nigel.

I'm home minus my tonsils

Had my op at 9.30 yesterday morning. Spent the rest of the day snoozing on the ward. Then I was discharged at 4pm, having eaten some ice cream, half a slice of bread, and half a cup a soup. There were several of us having our tonsils out, but the others seemed to be taking it much worse than I did. Yes, it is painful, but not eating and drinking makes the pain worse. I was so glad to be back home and in my own bed. Sophie was worried about me, bless her, so I ended up with a bed companion last night. She didn't go to sleep until after 9, so she was understandably reluctant to get up this morning.
The school photographer was there today, and Sophie came home with a proof of the picture of them both together. It is gorgeous, very pleased with it! Now to decide which prints to order.
I'm still in bed, having snoozed on and off for most of the day, so I think I will have a little something to eat now.

Missing Morgan

I was watching 'Extreme Makeover: Home Edition' today, where the family featured was the Nick family. They were chosen because Colleen, mum of the family, had established a foundation to search for lost children. Morgan, their daughter, was abducted when she was 6. She is now 18, and Colleen is still waiting to find her again. The website is here.

The pain I have felt since Nigel died is horrific, but in itself is nothing compared to the pain felt by Morgan's family. To not know where she is or if she is even still alive must be a living hell. I treasure my girls, even when they drive me to distraction! To be without them is something I do not want to imagine.

Colleen continues in her belief that Morgan will be found. She sums it up by saying,
"Love always hopes."

May Morgan return home soon.

To move away from Morgan's story, I am going in to hospital on Wednesday to have my tonsils removed. I've waited a long time to get to the top of the list, so wish me luck please!

Happy Birthday to Meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Yep it's my birthday today. I have hit the ripe old age of 32. So I have had a nice laid back day. Started with coffee at Starbucks, then a spot of gardening as the weather was lovely. My friend Sue is helping me reorganise my garden, and today we put in the plants we bought yesterday. The garden is looking much better than it was, but there is still plenty to go at. I need to give the decking a really good clean as it is really dusty and dirty. Ah well, a job for another day!
Tonight Collette and Lynne are coming round for us to scrapbook together.
Nothing too strenuous, but all in all the day that I have enjoyed!

Finally finished it...

This is a project I have been thinking about doing for a year now. I battled the photographers to get this photograph, and bought the frame in Ikea with the intention of doing something with it. Today I finally finished it. Now where do I put it? On the wall in the house for sure, but just not sure which wall! Suggestions please...

Proof that I do scrap...

Finally got round to photographing some of my scrapbooking layouts today, proof that I do actually craft from time to time!
















I also broke into my GoGo Greetings kit today and made a card:


And finally the plate I painted in Woolacombe last week. Mum and dad collected it for me as we had to leave before it had been fired.



So I do craft, not as often as I would like, but I fully intend to do it more often from now on.

Been to a wedding reception this evening. It was Nigel's cousin's daughter, so all of that side of the family was there. Not seen most of them since the funeral so to say they didn't recognise me was an understatement! I found it hard work being there, as although I know some of Nigel's cousins, I don't know them that well. Watching the bride and groom have their first dance together was a sad moment, as I remembered Nigel and I doing the same thing seven years ago.

On a more positive note, I have booked our flights for our holiday next summer. Something to look forward to over the coming months!

Life is ticking along

Thought I would write a quick update. I haven't downloaded any photos from my camera yet, as I have been consumed by the laundry mountain currently residing in my house. All the washing is done now, so just need to do the ironing and put it all away.

The drive tired me out more than I realised, and so I was very glad to get to bed last night.

I heard today that my friend's cousin had died. He too had a heart attack, and was 36 years old. There is no way of understanding why things like this happen.

Home again

Managed to avoid all the major delays on the roads thank goodness.

Got me a lovely new header thanks to Stacey, will email you tomorrow medear, I am off to drink some vino now!

There is a reason why...

... I don't live in Bath. Shopping. Far too many shops in Bath that I love. We nipped in for a coffee this afternoon, having been and fed the ducks on the canal this morning. As we drove in, we spied the newly opened Joules. Once we had parked the car, we headed back to this delightful shop, and I found lots of things I wanted... The children's clothes were gorgeous too, but I resisted. Maybe Jo will get the girls a Joules sweater for Christmas...

Then we hit Weird Fish, another label I love. Good job there was a sale there too!

Our last port of call was the White Company. Fortunately I was able to resist this one, as anything I wanted to buy was too bulky to fit in the car along with the holiday luggage! There was a sale on there too, oh well never mind!

Tomorrow we head for Devon, and having spoken to my brother, I am not filled with joy about our destination. Watch this space, we may be home earlier than planned!

Bath time

So here we are in the beautiful city of Bath, staying with Joanne and Robin a few minutes' drive from the city centre. This afternoon we went into the centre, as the rain was siling down. We had planned to visit this farm but the rain really was too heavy. So on the way into Bath we passed Crockadoodledo, a pottery painting place. We had so much fun! The girls painted a plate each, Jo did a bowl, and I did a mug. Jo was under the impression that we would watch while the girls painted, but I soon told her otherwise. "But I'm not artistic," she cried.
"Rubbish," I said, and she proceeded to thoroughly enjoy herself. Jo is going to pick up the fired items in a week, can't wait to see them.

After the pottery painting, we headed to my favourite haunt, good old Starbucks, for coffee and munchies for the girls. Then it was time to hit the shops. I was looking for a dress, as I have an evening wedding reception to go to at the end of the month. Nigel's cousin's daughter is the bride to be, so I have an invite for the evening. With not a thing to wear, I spied this in Crew Colthing, and was delighted to find it fitted, and that it was 50% off in the sale! That's me sorted then.

The wine is open again, and we are having curry once the girls are in bed. Both of them are absolutely whacked, so it won't be long til it is bed time. Tomorrow we are going to try and get to the farm, weather permitting. If not, who knows where we will end up!

Adios Amigos... again!

Tomorrow we are off to see Joanne, hooray! Then on to a week's break with my family. See you all in a week or so!

Peter's New Heart

He made it through the surgery, and is recovering in ICU at Harefield. It will be a long road to recovery, but Peter has his new heart!

I am so very happy for the whole family. But equally sad for the donor's family in their time of loss. I wonder how old the donor was, and the circumstances that lead to Peter getting his second chance.

Life deals bitter blows to many people, but fortunately one person's tragedy is another person's chance of happiness.

Time for a transplant...

As I type this, Peter is undergoing his heart transplant.

I can't fully understand Sarah's hopes and fears, as I have not been there exactly, but I know one thing.

Let this transplant be the lifeline Sarah and Peter deserve.

So the first year is over...

That's that, the first of everything is done. First birthdays without Nigel, first Christmas, Father's Day and our seventh Wedding Anniversary. Lots of other firsts too, which we had to adjust to as a family of three instead of four. We have overcome hurdles, dealt with sadness, and also experienced happy times.

The happiness was bittersweet, as always there was the thought that Nigel should have been sharing in everything. He was so looking forward to taking Sophie to school on her first day in reception. I was so proud of her that day, and I know that Nigel would have felt the same.

Another day which we had been waiting for was Alex's grommet operation. Alex was diagnosed with glue ear in April last year, and her behaviour was severely affected. She experienced 90% hearing loss, and was in considerable pain because of the pressure in both ears. The grommets made an instant difference, and I so wish Nigel could have seen that difference.

Christmas passed without too much drama, the girls enjoying their presents and spending time with family. Time seemed to rush past, life was so busy. I returned to work in late October, which was the right decision at the time. My class last year was very demanding, but I thoroughly enjoyed teaching them. The paperwork aspect of teaching is enough to grind even the most committed teacher down, but the actual act of teaching is something I love doing.

The first anniversary was not was painful as I had expected, the build up being far worse than the day itself. Remembering how that night had started with a happy meal at our favourite restaurant, and ending with my husband being carried away in a body bag. Something not even for your worst nightmare, but it happened.

The direction of my life has changed since then. Nigel's death is something I will never get over. People ask if I have got over it yet, but they are asking a ridiculous question. Nigel will always have a special place in my heart, even if I meet someone else. No-one can tell what the future holds for any of us, but Nigel will always be in my heart. Of course he also lives on in Sophie and Alex, smiling back at me through their eyes.

We talk about Nigel every single day, dropping him into the conversation as if he were still here. Sophie has an amazing memory for detail, and will often recall funny little things she did with Nigel. The girls do not remember him with sadness; their memories instead are of happy times, of a daddy who truly loved them both.

So I will end my post here. Thank you to all my dear friends, both in real life and online. Without your support and friendship I would have crumbled. I will continue with this blog, and I hope you will continue to visit.

Anna's girls are here to stay, and even though our lives have changed direction slightly since Nigel died, he will always be in our hearts. A gift I was given not long ago sums it up.

We love him because he loved us.

The day so far...

Been to sort my car tax out at last. Then I popped in to see Nigel's sister. After that I went to the cemetery to tidy Nigel's grave, give him a hair cut, so to speak!

When I got home, I decided to put the BBQ on for lunch, and so we had chicken and sausages out in the garden. Went down well with the girls and mum and dad. Now we are going to take some sunflowers to the cemetery from the girls.

One year on...

This time last year, I was fast asleep in bed with Nigel. We had been to our favourite restaurant, Casa do Rio, and eaten Cataplana. The views out across the estuary were breathtaking as usual. After walking back up the hill, we got the girls to bed and settled down ourselves.
The last time I spoke to Nigel was at 1.10am. For some reason we both woke up. I need the toilet, and Nigel had a sore throat, so got up and took some paracetamol. We went back to sleep.

Then it was 2.00am and Nigel fell out of bed. I can remember every moment clearly now, as if it was yesterday. I don't think I will ever forget the events of that night.

After the paramedics had gone, I remember sitting on the bed, with Nigel lying on the floor next to me, covered in a sheet. I thought of my friend Sarah, whose husband Peter is waiting for a heart transplant. Nigel wanted to be an organ donor, but the way in which he died meant that it wasn't possible.

But tonight, there is possibly a donor heart for Peter. Tonight of all nights. I knew it would be tonight. If it goes ahead, which I hope more than anything in the world, something good will be there for us on August 10th. Somewhere, a family is grieving the loss of their loved one, but they have given the gift of life, hopefully to Peter. Nigel is watching out for him too.

So please, join me in saying a prayer for Peter, Sarah, Nicole, Lauren and Serena tonight. Let Peter see his girls grow up, something Nigel will never do. He isn't here but I am doing everything I can to bring them up well.

Please, let Peter get that heart, and let it be tonight.

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Been tagged

here are the details

It's all about passing on something nice so I need to find people to tag...

Not much happening to report. We've been up in Durham at my parents', and the girls have stayed there while I return to Leeds overnight. Going back up there tomorrow to spend another couple of nights there.

This time last year, we were in Portugal, and had spent the day by the pool in bright sunshine. We ate out that evening, can't remember where tho. Happy days... little did any of us realise how much life would change in a matter of days.

Remembering the funny things...

An old friend of Nigel's (and of mine too of course) sent me a text this evening wishing me happy memories of our wedding day. She reminded me of how Nigel managed to lock his keys in his car, and so he ended up having to go and buy new socks. He went commando under his hired trousers.....
The next day there was a mad rush back to Leeds to get his spare set of car keys before leaving on our honeymoon.
So tonight I am toasting Nigel with a glass (or 3 ) of his favourite wine, a french white called Pouilly Fume. Very delicious...

Seven years ago...

I'm going to post my favourite picture of Nigel and I again. This may not be a photo from our wedding day, but I could not bring myself to look at those today.



Today has been very odd in terms of how I have felt. Numb is perhaps the best way to describe it. Incomplete for sure. Last year Nigel spent the day at the Gildersome Gala, a fundraising event at our local pub. I was on the way back from Scotland after a holiday with Heather and Erin. Once the girls were in bed, we shared Nigel's choice of nibbles from Marks and Sparks, the lemon pepper chicken goujons being most memorable. We've never been big on anniversaries, but we would always spend time together over a meal of some description.

Seven years... that day was the happiest of my life, we had a wonderful day. It might have poured with rain, meaning that the photographs had to be taken inside, but nothing could spoil that day. Not even Nigel leaving a size 12 shoe print on my wedding dress as we left the church!

This time last year NIgel and I celebrated six years together. If anyone had ever suggested how I would spend my seventh anniversary, I would have laughed in their faces.

But here I am, 31 years old, mother of two gorgeous girls, and a widow. Life changes so very quickly, no one can tell what lies ahead. The sadness since August last year has been immense, all consuming at times. But there is brightness glimmering at the end of the tunnel, difficult to see on days like today. But it is there, and the girls and I can see that.

One thing I definitely know for sure. Nigel lives on in Sophie and Alex, and he would be so very proud of them both.

All Disneyed Out...

Home at last, after a fantastic holiday. Our journey home was fraught and involved an overnight stop in London, but let's not dwell on that. (or the suitcase which is still in London as I type this!)

We had such fun at Disneyland, the girls could not quite believe they were there. The place as a whole makes a massive impact on your senses as an adult, never mind as a child who adores all things disney! We had breakfast with the characters, and I also treated us to dinner at the Auberge du Cendrillon, with the princesses. Cost me an arm and a leg but it was worth every penny to see how the girls enjoyed it. We feasted that night, right down to cocktails and wines for each course. Yum yum.

So now it is time to wash the dirty clothes, put away all the belongings, and generally tidy things up. Yawn, boring stuff.

Just a few snaps, memories which will be scrapped very soon.






















Tomorrow is my 7th Wedding Anniversary. How can life change so dramatically in such a short time?

Disneyland Paris here we come...

The cases are packed and in the car, the girls went to bed in an excited state, Joanne and I are ready to roll out of bed at 3.15 to leave here at 4 am.
Disneyland awaits... see you soon!

And my sports day superstar...

Bless her!

Photographs to compare...

Top one was taken yesterday morning, and Sophie was one grumpy bunny! The bottom one was taken on her very first day at school back in September.

School year is over

That's reception finished for Sophie. Can't believe she has completed her first year at school already. She exceeded all her early learning goals, and is working at level one. That will give her a great start to year one with Mrs Lowry. I have taken a photograph of her to compare to the one I took on her first day, but t'internet is playing up and won't let me upload anything tonight.
I also have some pics of Alex at her sports day. She looks the part, running down the field with her baseball cap on. When I can get them uploaded I will share them.
Still feeling a bit rough with a chest infection so apologies for the lack of posts.
Back soon, bye for now!

Poor Alex

This tea time I spent 3 hours in casualty at the LGI. Alex managed to slam her fingers in the conservatory door, and I have never heard her scream like that before. She was beside herself with pain and shock. I rang a friend who is a nurse and she said to get her checked out, so off we trotted. I left Sophie at her friend's house, dragging her along would have made it truly hideous. Being a lone parent at times like this show me just how hard it can be. Finding someone to leave the other child with can be tricky.
Alex was a superstar at the hospital, sitting perfectly whilst being xrayed. She was so tired she fell asleep on the way home, and didn't stir when I put her to bed. Sophie was bathed and ready for bed in her friend's PJs when I picked her up, which she thought was great fun! I am exhausted now, oh well, at least Alex is ok.
Heather and Erin have gone home a little earlier than planned as Heather fell yesterday and twisted her knee. Ian came over while we were at the hospital to pick them up. Sad that the weekend didn't go to plan :(
It is the last week of term for Sophie in reception. Busy busy busy. Lots to do. I can't quite believe that my baby has almost finished her first year at school. Her report was glowing, and she has matured so much this year. I am very proud to be her mummy, and I know Nigel would be proud of her too.

Getting things in motion...

I have set things in motion to hopefully change my hours at work from September. Nothing concrete as yet, but I will be working fewer hours in a less stressful role. Still doing the teaching that I enjoy, but without the responsibility of a class. I really do enjoy being a teacher, but unfortunately teaching is one of the least time consuming aspect of the job these days. Paperwork takes over, with target setting, appraisals, assessments, planning, marking and the suchlike intruding into the lives of teachers long after they have left the classroom and gone home.

I have guests for the weekend. Heather has come over from Anglesey. The kids created at bedtime, so we are both exhausted. Not seen her since, so no doubt she is asleep now. The girls have a training day tomorrow, so we will find something to keep them amused.

A Sad Day

This morning I received a text message which I had known would arrive sometime today. It told me that at midnight last night, my friend's 3 month old son lost his fight to continue life. He has had many medical problems since birth, and sadly he fell asleep for the last time last night. I feel absolutely desolate for my friend and her family; she has two daughters similar in age to my two, and they must be feeling immense sadness at the loss of their brother.

Something I have stopped trying to do is to understand why people die. Logic does not come into it. When your number is up, there is nothing you can do about it. Some people leave before you expect them to, others outlive your wildest expectations. Nigel certainly left well before anyone expected him to, and I would still give everything I have to just have one more minute with him. But of course that can't be. I know he has gone, and I hope that my friend's son is somewhere where he does not suffer. I will not say a better place, as how can there be anywhere better than with your family? People said that to me when Nigel died. How could Nigel be somewhere which was better than being with the girls and me?

I do believe in God, and I do not hide my faith. Yes there are times when I wonder why God has chosen to do certain things, but I can not explain them and never will. Accepting tragedies alongside happy times is part of life, part of becoming a better person. It is just indescribably painful trying to do this when life throws it's worst at you. If only life were easy.... but it's not. So let's get on with it, make the most of it and take the rough with the smooth.

Bloggers in print

I was reading the Sunday Times today about bloggers who have ended up with publishing deals because of what they have written on their blogs. What a great way to earn a living, write a blog and get paid £70000 for the pleasure! I wonder if there is scope for a book about a young widow who loves to scrapbook, spend time with her children and attempt to become a domestic goddess?

The weekend has passed in a blur. Sophie had a friend sleeping over last night which went smoothly. Both girls were asleep by 8.15. Alex was a bit more problematic, and she ended up in my bed to start off with. Soon shipped her back to her own bed though.

This afternoon I managed to sneak in a quick catnap as I was exhausted. I need to slow down a bit this week. The trouble with being at home is that I feel that I want to get on with sorting the house out, and then end up overdoing it! Hence the need for a nap this afternoon. This week I am going to take it easier and not worry about the mess. I need to buy a BBQ too as I have friends coming over on Sunday for lunch. Fingers crossed the weather improves, otherwise it will be a lim sarnie in the conservatory!

Still no photographs of what I have been scrapping....

Busy as a bee

Well I have been busy, busy, busy here. Still very up and down with my mood, but I am cracking on with sorting things out in the house. It still looks like a bomb has hit it, but a more controlled bomb!
My scrap room is coming together, slowly but surely. All the cupboards are in now, so I am on with putting everything in it's new home. I am also going through all the paperwork in the house, and throwing all sorts of stuff away. I have shredded another mountain, and put it out for recycling. Been to the tip twice in two days, filled up my neighbours' bins as they have been away so their bins are empty, and reduced the amount of junk in my house by a large margin.
I still need to photograph my latest layouts, I will do that at the weekend for sure.
Onwards with the decluttering...

The decluttering continues....

I sorted out the mountain of junk in the kitchen today. You can actually see the worksurface again, plus I have paid all my bills.
Tomorrow the high sleeper is going, and then I can really crack on with moving all the junk around. And throwing most of it out lol.
WIsh me luck...

My desk is done!

Hooray, the joiners have been and built my lovely new desk in my new scrap room! I am over the moon with it, and can't wait to get scrapping in there.

There is a high sleeper still in the room at the moment, but that is going on Sunday. Once that is gone I will be able to move all my cupboards in there and get my stash sorted. There is room for my PC on the right hand side and a huge scrapping area to the left.

I feel very good about all this, which makes a nice change!

No longer a statistic

Went to see my GP today and it seems I am no longer part of the obesity statistics. My BMI is 24.6, so within the healthy range. My god, the first time since I was 12!

Been busy today, painting Alex's new bedroom. The pink is described as 'Babe' and it is pretty much pink pig colour! She will love it when she sees the first coat on in the morning. Then it will be time to move all the furniture which is never an easy job. The joiners are coming on Friday to build my new desk, and then I can get on with sorting through the mountains of crap which currently reside in my house. I am going to have to be very brutal, as otherwise I will be back to square one. I also need to get some varnish for the new desk to seal it, and do it on Friday night so it dries overnight. The excitement....

Rain rain go away

Here's 'sit', and as it was bucketing down all day there was no chance to sort it outside. Floods everywhere, Gildersome was gridlocked as the M62 was closed, as was the M1. Nightmare. Had to cancel my docs appointment as I couldn't get there!

I have been a woman on a mission today, and emptied the small bedroom ready to paint it pink as soon as I can be bothered. I can't believe how much junk there was in that room, and so most of it will be recycled or binned. I have no need for most of it so it has to go. I'll keep the crucial stuff of course!

So tomorrow it is off to the gym to try and give myself a mood lift. Wish me luck!

Write

Prompt for my photograph today is write. So here is Sophie writing her name this afternoon.

Other than that, not a lot to report. My brother and sister in law are here visiting with my nephew and niece. They are moving down to Berkshire this week so goodness knows when we will see them again.

Felt like a change...

...so here's my new layout.

Not sure why really, just did. Another busy day, gym this morning and then gymnastics for Alex at lunchtime. Then this afternoon I nipped to Ikea once mum and dad had arrived to look at some storage cupboards. Didn't buy yet though.

At tea time I finished off three paint cans I am giving to Sophie's teacher and TAs. I will photograph them in better light tomorrow. Just need some suggestions for what to put in them!


Just a snap of my lovely Sophie. She is getting very tired now, ready for the summer holidays in a few weeks. She has had a fantastic year in Reception with 3 great members of staff. I worried so much about her starting school, but she has been so well adjusted and settled. The odd 'moment', but nothing major really. I just hope year one is as successful!

Edited to add:

Just had to stick this in....we are off to see a preview of Shrek the Third on Sunday afternoon. Alex is the BIGGEST Shrek fan, and this will be her first ever visit to the cinema. She is going to love it!

Press

I think the teddy in this shot has to win the prize for most annoying soft toy. It is an angel bear which plays a violin. Silent night. On and on. And on. Yuck. But the press button responds to the prompt over on her space my space!

Catch up photos

I've been playing catch up with her space my space today, but now I can't seem to upload them!
This is the first, shell. Got some others too but I will do them later.

More relaxing day today, I went to the gym, then to the garden centre. The girls then cycled on the road outside the house while I put in the low fence I had bought for the front garden, and then I laid the slate pieces to go alongside it. I am pleased with how it looks, better than I thought it would turn out that's for sure.

Back later with more pics I hope.

ETA more pics!

Thinking positive

Evening all.

The reports are done HOORAY!

And I am off work for a fortnight to sort myself out and adjust to my medication. Not sure how long that will take, but I have started taking it so fingers crossed.
Got through today, it was easier than I expected, but then I haven't left the house all day. No seeing happy families for me. We are a happy family as the three of us, so let's look for the positive.

Tomorrow I am dropping the girls at Debbie's, and then I am off to the gym. If I don't get started on the fitness routine, Linzi, my fitness instructor, will shout at me! I do need to shape up, and my GP has reccomended exercise as it releases endorphins which will make me feel better. Plus I want rid of my bingo wings....

That's about it for now. A demain.

Flowers

Meant to photograph them but I forgot! Today I received some flowers, beautiful flowers in fact, from some of the other reception mums at Sophie's school. They were to say congratulations on getting to my target weight. How lovely, I was over the moon to get them!

I have also been to the gym today which I enjoyed (madness I know) and then for tea I had a rather tasty fresh tuna steak. Went down very nicely. Just need to decide what to have tomorrow as I went to Tesco and got some smoked salmon and mackerel, some rocket salad, and another piece of tuna. As the tuna is fresh and the others are sealed, I think tomorrow will be a tuna nicoise salad (of a fashion). Plus a cup of tea with milk in. Blimey, how exciting, a cup of tea with milk in it!

Tomorrow it is father's day. A day I would rather forget for now. Not the person who should be celebrating it with us, but just the fact that other fathers are still here and Nigel isn't.

If you are celebrating, have a great day, and raise your glass to dads who aren't with us this year.

Yum yum in my tum

Salmon went down a treat. Felt good to be sat at the table eating with the girls, and I felt full once I had eaten the piece of salmon I chose for myself. Didn't have room for any veg, but then I am not allowed to have that yet! Tomorrow, well I am not sure which protein I will have tomorrow, could be chicken, could be tuna, could be cottage cheese (or not, nasty stuff lol). Definitely won't be tofu!
I went and had my hair cut and coloured today which was good. I did feel very nervy in the hairdressers tho, which was not so good.
And will it ever stop raining? Where is Noah when I need him?

Time to eat

Still here
still feeling crap

but on a positive note I went to my first management meeting tonight, and I will be eating a piece of salmon later today. Wow. My first food for 155 days other than Lighterlife food packs. I also discovered I have lost another 3 lb so I am 6 lb under target weight. And 1lb away from having lost 7 stone. Blimey, 7 stone, that is scary!

Made my bed today...

Sounds bizarre but today I have made my bed properly for the first time since before the loft conversion was started. I have had all sorts of things stored in my bedroom, and so have been unable to make the bed in the way I truly like. Odd, I know, but that is just how it is! So tonight I will enjoy getting into a made bed for the first time in ages! Small things keep me happy....

My mood is still not great. I have felt very weepy repeatedly today. The thing that scares me most is how close I have come to having a panic attack. Life is smothering me, and I am trying to keep my head above water. So if you haven't spoken to me for a while and did in the past, give me a ring, so I know you haven't forgotten me. Come and see the girls. Friends are what I need just now.

Attention all ticker haters....

I have had this weight loss ticker since starting Lighterlife, and have it in my signature on a weight loss forum I post on.
I have been to LL tonight and check out the results..... I am now 6 stone 9lb lighter than I was in January. Feeling good about my success there.

On other issues, things are not so great. My mood is sliding so if anyone knows a good way to make me feel better, please get in touch.

Father's Day....

I am in need of a sleeping pill to go to sleep on Saturday night and wake up on Monday. This year I would like father's day to pass us by. It's not that I want to deny that Nigel was ever here, I just feel so desperately sad that on Father's Day my two beautiful girls will be without their daddy. Having spent today with other members of WAY, the harsh reality that all those children face next weekend is too much. I am glad that facing Father's Day is ten months down the line for us. It must be horrific for those who are in the early days. Sophie's class don't make father's day cards as there are too many children in school who don't have contact with their dads. But in nursery, they do make cards, so I have asked that Alex makes one for my dad, addressed to Grampy.
Nothing really to report now. The loft is nearly decorated, and the carpet is being fitted on Tuesday. Then we wait for the furniture for mum and dad's room. Move the pull up bed to the other room and start sorting through the boxes of crap which control my house. ARGH.

Mojo, mojo, where are you?

It has started to reappear this evening. I had a CJ entry to do and once I got started I ended up doing a LO for a new album I am doing. I will photograph it tomorrow as the light is not enough tonight. I really enjoyed it, so I can't wait to get my new scrap room sorted. Just can't decide whether or not to have it painted or keep it lemon for now. Hopefully the joiners will be here on 18th June to build my desk.
So until tomorrow when I upload the photo of the LO....

And so it is done

The loft is finished in terms of building work. AT LAST! Mark from TL came and checked it all over today. Buildings regs have got to come and inspect, but I know they will be ages in coming. The decorator is now hard at work (well not right now as it is 11.20pm!) and the carpets for the two bedrooms and vinyl for the diddy bathroom are coming to be fitted on Monday. I ordered the new furniture for mum and dad's room today. Beautiful oak furniture, and it should be here in four weeks or less. Hopefully less, and then I can get on with sorting the girls' new bedrooms out and moving everything round.
Argh
What am I doing.... the house is upside down!
Nipped into gap tonight for some new Boy cut jeans. They have to be the most comfortable jeans on the planet. Got into some 14s which was good. Bought a jumper too, but that was too big so it will go back asap. I picked out a large through habit, and it looked silly. Not sure about the colour tho so will reassess that when I go back.

Alex is starting swimming lessons tomorrow at my gym. She is having an individual lesson as I think she needs the attention. Will be interesting to see if she will get in without me!

Back to my reports... but not without posting today's her space my space prompt of bread. A quick snap of forbidden french bread...

9 days and counting....

So it is nine days until I start management with Lighterlife. This means I will be reintroducing food slowly but surely over a 12 week period.
I was delighted when I realised tonight that I am 2 lb from my target weight. I was chatting with my mum tonight about it all and we realised that I am the lightest I have been since I was 13!
Other than that, it has been work, sleep, work, choose new carpets, ring the loft conversion company and shout at them, work, sleep, work. Yuck. No fun for me at the moment. I did get my ironing back today. Wow. I am soooo impressed. Not cheap as there was loads to do, but definitely a service worth using from time to time. Especially with work clothes which I hate ironing! As it is summer just now I wear more t shirts for work, but when it gets colder and I am back in blouses and formal trousers I will send them to the ironing service every week. Definitely worth saving my sanity!
Nothing else to report so I will sign off for now.
Oh yes, one more thing. Happy 2nd Birthday Oliver!

Back to work blues

Boo hoo back to work tomorrow. Wish I could stay home, especially as my childminder is away on holiday so I have had to ask my parents to take the girls to and from school. Would be so much easier if I could take them myself. But alas no, it's got to be done.

I have got the washing sorted at last, and the ironing pile is ENORMOUS, but mum and dad are taking that to the ironing service tomorrow. There is no way I have time to sort it at the moment, so I am taking the lazy option. In the past, Nigel would always take a couple of extra days off after a holiday to get the washing and ironing sorted. Now that it's just me, my holidays are not flexible so there are two overflowing baskets waiting to go to Drighlington tomorrow.

Her Space My Space is on hold for me, I should get a chance on Wednesday and I will take all the photos. I have really enjoyed the few I have taken so far. I'm also going to have a go at some photography at school, class photos no less so I am going to have to buy me a tripod. Any recommendations would be welcomed.

So onwards and upwards, time to tidy up my planning for the week and get me to bed.

Home again

Shame really as we had a fantastic time. We did very little really, just went between the hotel and the pool, and the beach. The girls adored the beach, and Sophie was in heaven when she was in the water. Dad bought them both an inflatable ring to use in the water. Sophie certainly got her money's worth with hers, and her laughter could be heard all over the beach when she was riding it on the waves!

The hotel was great, right on the beach, and the girls were able to choose from the buffet for their meals. Sophie ate a cooked breakfast every morning, and Alex managed to consume her own body weight in melon every day! I stuck with my lighterlife shakes, as I am so close to target that I didn't want a set back at this point.

ANd while I am on the subject of Lighterlife, I am aware that there is a person who reads my blog who has been criticising my decision to do Lighterlife. I know that they actually know nothing about Lighterlife, and as usual they are claiming to know it all when actually they know very little. I have to see my GP for checks every 4 weeks, so it is fully supervised and safe. And do you really think I would do something to put myself at risk now that my girls only have me?

I got back from Menorca to find a fantastic parcel from Holland. Wow, thank you so much! Drop, hagelslag, stroopwafels, speculaas... I am looking forward to savouring them once I am back onto food, and they will last a long time! I will be in touch to organise a little something in return for your kindness.

Well I had better get back to the washing mountain that is currently consuming this house. Yuck. That part of going on holiday I really hate! So think of me as I stand behind the ironing board....