The What Ifs

There's been so much in the press about Bolton footballer Fabrice Muamba, who collapsed during the game at Tottenham Hotspur on Saturday. He was lucky enough to have immediate medical attention, including having treatment with a defibrillator. Since then, he seems to be coming through this, although it will be a long road to recovery. He was incredibly fortunate to receive the right treatment at the right time.

When Nigel had his heart attack, he only had me there with him. I started CPR, and an ambulance was called. It took 15 minutes for the ambulance to arrive. In that time, I was doing my level best to get Nigel's heart going again. What if he'd been able to have the treatment Muamba had? What if he'd collapsed in the UK, would he have made it to hospital sooner and so come through this? What if the Portuguese ambulance had arrived more quickly?

This could go on and on, and on. Speculating about what might have happened is no use now. It is impossible to change the past, and there is no point regretting how things panned out. I did everything I could to keep Nigel alive, but I couldn't save him. The new Vinnie Jones advert for the BHF is helpful for anyone faced with doing CPR, but it upsets me every time I see it. Reminds me of how the life we had planned vanished in an instant.