I want to win this candy

http://passionforcrafts.blogspot.com/2009/11/wow-200000-hits-blog-candy.html

So here's the link!

Hooray I made a card!

Hooray, finally I remember to take a pic of a card I made. This is a commission for a friend's grandson who turns 18 later this week. Card design pinched from the lovely Julie, stamps are from the Stampin Up Cheers to You set, I have used this so much, it's a fab set. Card blank is SU too, no idea what the colour is called, all I know is it is pale yellow! The papers are one of the designer paper sets. Scalloped circles punched with the SU punch, letters are SU too. Numbers are Gin X rub ons which I have had for eons. I coloured the beer mugs with my copic markers.

Here's hoping he likes the card!

It has been a stressful few days here as Alex had her tonsils out on Friday. She was given diclofenac painkiller, and unfortunately reacted to it. She had a nasty wheezing attack which scared me and the staff on the ward. We came home on Friday evening, and she spent most of Saturday laid on the sofa. On Sunday she was in considerable discomfort, and as a result stopped eating and drinking and taking medication. We ended up back in hospital, with dehydration and a chest infection, so more medication was needed. Finally she started to eat and drink again, and so we could come home late on Sunday evening.

Her throat is healing well, it is just smelly as it heals which is perfectly normal apparently. Her chest is bothering her, and she has ear ache too, but painkillers are keeping these under control most of the time. We are on house arrest, as she has to stay in for 2 weeks to avoid infection. Deep joy! Being with an ill child is hard work and very tiring, but hopefully in the long run she will be much better health wise. For now I am spending my days on the sofa with a clingy child so wish me luck!

Got to love Anya stamps

Just a quick post, with a terrible pic I took with my phone. This is Rock Star Anya, a stamp by the Greetings Farm, coloured with my Copic markers. I used my tempting turquoise stampin up marker too so that it would tie in perfectly with the colour of the cardstock. Sorry it's not a better picture but I made this at the last minute so had to drop it off to the recipient as soon as it was done.

Another stressful week, however I have been much more in control of what has been going on, and feel much happier about it all. Finally seem to be shaking off the after effects of swine flu, still very tired though so need to catch up on sleep at half term when the girls go to stay with my parents for a couple of nights. Alex had her pre op assessment yesterday, so fingers crossed now that she doesn't come down with anything before October 30th.

I'm going to make a start on my Christmas cards this weekend, hopefully not too many to make! Otherwise we will be having a nice quiet weekend, it would have been Nigel's birthday tomorrow so no doubt we will be at his grave to leave some flowers. HappyBirthday Nigel.

That sinking feeling

seems to have reared it's ugly head again. Hence the lack of blog posts. I've been really ill, swine flu attacked both Alex and I, and 3 weeks later I am still not back to full health.

On a more positive note, Alex will be having her tonsil surgery on 30th October. Sounds strange to say 'positive' about a painful operation, but I know that in the long run it will have a positive effect on both her life and mine and Sophie's.

I've also been making some decisions about the future which will hopefully make life much easier and more pleasant. All very cryptic at the moment, and tbh nothing that exciting for anyone other than me and the girls, but still not something I can share yet.

Thank you for continuing to read my blog. I will post more very soon. Today I heard that a family friend has died whilst on holiday in Majorca. Majorca seems to be the sudden death hotspot lately. Our friend had a massive heart attack, completely unexpected. Understandably it has shocked me to the core, and brought back memories of the night Nigel died. I will be thinking of J as she begins her life as a widow, and hope and pray that she can bring her husband home safely on his final journey very soon.

Look how they've grown

First day back at school last Monday, Sophie going into year 3 and Alex into year 1. Both girls have settled already and are very happy with their new teachers.

Alex has been really poorly since we got back from Majorca, her ear got very badly infected, and we ended up in the ENT clinic while they suctioned out all the debris from her ear canal. Bless her, she was brave! I was dismayed to discover that her tonsillectomy and grommet round 3 fitting won't be taking place until December now (unless a miracle happens with the waiting list hmmmm...) so the next few months will be tough for her. Her hearing is diminishing already so I am hoping and praying that we get through the coming weeks without too many periods of illness.

Sophie is doing me proud which makes me smile on the inside as well as the outside. She will be over the moon tomorrow as I have booked her first cello lesson for after school. She is so keen to learn, so I hope she gets on with it.

It was my birthday yesterday, I turned 34, and I must say I had a wonderful day. The celebrations started on Friday night with Matt, who was unfortunately working yesterday, and continued until today really. Many gifts, many cards, and time spent with some truly amazing people. I did get some lovely crafting gifts, so I will share them with you very soon!

A bit of this and a bit of that

Ok proof that I do craft sometimes... a commission for a 50th Wedding Anniversary card or a friend of a friend. I took an arty angled shot but Blogger won't let me upload it for some reason. The card itself is made from greyboard and covered in Bazzill as it is a keepsake card, so needed to be a bit sturdier than a standard card blank. The hearts are cut with my cricut.

We spent last week in Majorca, we had a great week enjoying the sunshine, and most of all enjoying the pool at the villa. My brother and his family came too, as my mum and dad had treated us all to the holiday. The four children loved the pool, in fact Alex would have spent all day in it if I had let her! Her swimming has come on so much because of swimming every day. Sophie is a super swimmer already! Sam, my nephew, had a blast improving his swimming too, and Olivia, my 2 year old niece, actually floated in the pool without an adult holding her! She had her armbands on, but nobody holding her!

Here's my nephew Sam jumping into the pool. Then comes Sophie, who looks as if she is suspended in mid air in this shot!

Finally, Alex making jumping into the water look like lots of fun!

We landed back at Leeds Bradford on Saturday night, so since then I have been unpacking, sorting out and the suchlike. This afternoon I went to have my eyebrows threaded with my friend Dawn, goodness, that hurt! The end result is impressive, but the tears were rolling down my face while it was being done. Amazing what can be done with a piece of thread!

Back to school this week... doesn't seem like we've had almost 7 weeks off. Just debating a weekend at Featherdown Farms at half term, Sophie is keen to go camping, and I think this may well appease her for now! The idea of sleeping in a sleeping bag fills me with horror lol.

Enough for now, hope you've all had a great summer!

Three years on

Here we are again, another anniversary, or sadiversary as some people call it. Yes, a truly sad day, as on this day 3 years ago my Nigel died. In an instant I went from being his wife to being his widow, the last thing I expected at the age of 30.

This year, I am fortunate enough to feel that now is the time to focus on happiness. I need to look back and remember the happy times Nigel and I shared. Two of the happiest days of our life together look me straight in the eye on a daily basis. We had our ups and downs, who doesn't, but the down parts are the parts I want to leave behind me now. Never forgotten, just kept at the back of memories, pushing the good ones to the front.

The last year has been very different. I have done so much, met so many wonderful people and developed new friendships, continued friendships from the past, dealt with my own sadness and decided what it is I want to aim for with my life with my two beautiful girls.

The night that Nigel died is still as clear as day in my mind, in fact it is so clear it could have been yesterday. Remembering that night doesn't fill me with fear any more, it has happened and I can't change that now. Sometimes a desire to change it has crept into my mind, but realistically I know that death really is final, can't be changed, no matter what. Acceptance of that is something I know many people struggle with, strangely enough I was able to accept that Nigel was gone much sooner that people around me expected. I have no idea why this was the case, and I know so many people who can take months, even years to accept that someone is gone.

Grief is a very personal thing, there is no right or wrong, no prescribed time for a bereaved person to 'get over' their loss. I can honestly say that I will never get over losing Nigel, for me it is more about moving in a different direction, using what has happened to help turn me into a stronger person. I have had to be both mum AND dad to the girls, a difficult job at the best of times. Military precision is the only way forward, unless anyone has any other suggestions!

Still, life is moving on, I think about Nigel in a happier way now. Of course I miss him, and I am often saddened that he did not see the girls grow up, and that they didn't get to know him as they grow up too. They have so many people that care deeply about them, and support me on this tricky journey that is life as a widow. I have experienced so many happier times in 2009, my girls are developing into wonderful young ladies, and I have a new partner to share my life with. He is very understanding and considerate of how life has changed these last three years, and knows me well enough to ask directly rather than ignore anything which arises about the past.

So here's to more happiness, life can be good again, I know the journey will not always be smooth, but it is a journey I want to make with a positive outlook. I never realised I would have room in my heart for so much love, for the girls, for M, and for Nigel.

We love you, I hope I am doing you proud in how I am bringing the girls up. If you could see them now, you would be smiling broadly. They are characterful, amusing, beautiful, clever, and little minxes when the mood takes them. You look right back at me through their eyes. Those eyes are smiling more and more now. Three years, seems like yesterday but also an eternity. Happy memories are here to stay now.