Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Uphill struggle for a few days

Easy to get swallowed up at this time of year. Term has ended, which is always a relief for teachers everywhere. Today I was sad because a colleague I have worked with from the very beginning of my teaching career has taken a year's secondment. I will miss her very much, but the staffroom will be a little quieter without her brummie accent...

Now I am packing ready for a family trip to Devon. It will be nice to get away from it all, chill out by the pool, spend the day on the beach. I am hoping the weather will be kind to us. Sophie and Alex are looking forward to seeing their cousins, and spending more time with my bro and sis in law is always good. After that week away, we have a week at home followed by a our fortnight in Portugal.

I am feeling Nigel's absence more lately. I've posted about this, so I won't bore you with it again. It is so hard to explain to people who are not widows that feeling like this comes and goes in waves. It is very much like the tide. When the tide is in, and the waves are lashing against the shore, I am feeling swamped, feeling like being washed out to sea away from all this would be a good idea. Not to die, just to move away from where everything is so complex.
Then when the tide is out, I feel calmer, I still miss Nigel but it is not weighing down on me as if I am sinking under the weight. At times like that, I may not be as open with talking about Nigel. It doesn't mean I have forgotten him or miss him any less, I just feel that the enormity of his loss is being borne in a more manageable way. I can honestly say, that in the 713 days since Nigel died, there has not been a day when I have not thought about him. Some days happy, some days not so happy.

I think a happy medium would be when the tide is midway between high tide and low tide. Nigel is always with me in my thoughts, never will that part go away, and I don't want it to. Plus he looks back at me through the eyes of the girls, every time they look at me.

So if you are missing Nigel too, make time to come and see us. Make time to see how his girls are growing, how delightful they are even when they drive me to distraction! Pop in for a coffee, just give us a ring. We're around more often than not. Weekends my parents are here usually, have been since Nigel died, amazing support for which I am so very very grateful.

So to finish this post, I say goodnight.

Gotta love the Sound of Music :D

Thursday, July 17, 2008

It's a funny old world

Strange goings on around here. Everyone is just trying to get through to the end of term without expiring. This time of year is tricky for me, it would be our wedding anniversary on the 29th, and then of course this time I will get to two years without Nigel on August 10th.

Two years without him.... that means that Alex has now had half of her life without her Daddy. Sophie has had a third of her life without him. Me, well it's just 2 years to me. Two long years at that.

There are lots of celebratory events lately, all of which feature happy families. I am so happy for everyone involved, but equally desperately unhappy that my girls and me are missing out on being part of what is perceived and portrayed as 'the norm'.

One thing I have noticed of late, is that there are some people in this world who never quite lose the desire to poke fun, be a bit spiteful. It is a trait I abhorr. And despite the fact that life has thrown hurdles aplenty to people around me, being spiteful still happens.

Shame really, but such is life.

A song I used to have playing on this blog is what I leave with you.

My life has moved on these last two years, but still I would give everything I have to fix you, Nigel.


Wednesday, July 16, 2008

An interruption in service

So to speak.
My laptop died a horrible death last night, Alex fell onto it and it has since given up the ghost. I am using my desktop now, so I am thinking a laptop is an unnecessary luxury at the moment. Perhaps I will save up for it in a few months time.

School swimming gala today, organised by me. Ran smoothly I think, enjoyed by almost all the kids. I know swimming is not everyone's cup of tea, so I felt very proud of one child who swam a whole length. It was a difficult task to complete, and they needed encouragement all the way. The whole room was filled with chants for this child to finish the race, even though the other competitors had long since left the pool. Swimming a length like that is a massive achievement, and I felt very proud to have helped them achieve that.

Been out for a curry tonight with some other mums of year 1 at Sophie's school. Very nice it was too.

***Special announcement***

Bella Magazine

29th July release date

My story will be featured!!!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

End of term approaches...

Thank goodness for that, I'm tired, and the girls are tired, so that makes for much grumpiness in our house! Getting up for work in the mornings is getting harder, as we have to be out of the house for 7.45. I am looking forward to some mornings when we can take a bit longer over getting up and ready!

I haven't been crafting much lately, as I am out of energy past about 8pm, so I am definitely planning on putting this right during the holidays.

Here's to 3 more days before the end of term here!

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Greetings from Anglesey!

Alex and I have come down to Anglesey for my friend Heather's youngest daughter's christening. Sophie is back in Leeds, staying with her best friend for the weekend. It was J's birthday so Sophie didn't want to miss it.
Met up with some of my UKScrappers team mates at lunchtime for a bite to eat in a nearby pub.

The last few days I have been working on getting by without imploding. Work is always busy and loaded with stress for everyone at this time of year, so on Tuesdays and Wednesdays when I am working, I get home in the evenings ready to go straight to bed. And that's even though I have very little responsibility compared to other teachers at work. I do enjoy my work, and have some plans to use my crafting skills in an after school club from September onwards. I am also going to work on getting my violin pupils ready for grade one. They both have bags of talent, so my job is to get them to practice more effectively and pass the exam with a well deserved grade.

I am also trying to get various things in the house sorted. I have sorted through the various bits and pieces of Nigel's that I had left in our wardrobe. I gave certain items to the British Heart Foundation shop in Morley, amd boxed up his favourite clothes to share with the girls when they are older. In the limited loft space we have after converting the loft, I have a box full of Nigel's favourite Leeds United shirts, all bar one. His absolute favourite, a long sleeved shirt from the season we made it into the Champion's League, he wore on his final journey. Along with his favourite carpenter style jeans he was well dressed.

I am also trying to get storage finally sorted in some areas of the house. Clutter is all consuming at times, and I am working very hard to overcome this!! I know what I want from Ikea, but every time I go to get it, it is out of stock! Arrrrrrrrrghhhh! I have asked my friend Sue to help me put some shelves up for my favourite books in my bedroom, plus I need to paint my room to smarten it up after having new wardrobes fitted.

All in all, life is manic but very mundane. I keep plodding on, trying to keep my head above water as the second anniversary of Nigel's death approaches. Plus what would have been our 8th wedding anniversary. I need to go and look up what gift marks that so I can arrange something for Nigel's headstone.

Nos dawch (Good night for the non welsh speakers amongst us !)

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Craft Robo for sale

I have decided to sell my craft robo. I will be listing it on UKScrappers shortly, but thought I would stick it up on here first.

It's a Mark II Craft Robo, and comes with everything you need. 2 carrier sheets, one unused, there might even be another one kicking around somewhere but not certain! CD with software to use on your PC/laptop. You can cut any shape, any font, any size up to A4. It is a fantastic machine, I am just happy with my Cricut.

Yours for £125 plus postage

If you would like more details, please email me


Wednesday, July 02, 2008

A funeral today

Two of my online buddies have joined the exclusive club that is widowhood over the last few weeks. Jo lost her darling husband Steve to a brain tumour in June, and MB lost her amazing husband to cancer too. MB's husband's funeral is today, in fact it is going on right now.

Becoming a widow is something you think will never happen to you, but sadly it does happen to more people than you would think.

So, Jo and MB, welcome to the club. I wish with all my heart that you were not entitled to be members, but we all know that we can't change that.