Looking for Mark Antony

Has anyone seen Mark Antony?
We had a fantastic Egyptian Day at school, raised some laughs with me looking like this! Lifted my spirits too which is good. Very tired now tho so I am off to bed shortly.

Sad is a place

Sad is a place
that is deep and dark
like the space
under the bed

Sad is a place
that is high and light
like the sky
above my head

When it is deep and dark
I don't dare go there

When it's high and light
I want to be thin air.

~Michael Rosen

This poem explains exactly how sad is. No matter what you are doing or where you are, sad is there. For me, sad is everywhere just now.

So who is Bo Bunny?

I have been scrapping this afternoon while the girls enjoyed a movie and some popcorn. I got the Scrapagogo kit out and had a bash. The papers are by Bo Bunny, so I am intruiged as to where the name comes from!



Mum and dad went over to see their new grand daughter today. They are popping back in on their way home to collect their things. Baby has not had a good night, her glucose is low, her oxygen levels dropped and she has a shadow on her heart. Not sure exactly what that means as yet, but please spare her a prayer, especially now that Lent has started.

Good News at last!

At 8pm this evening my sister in law gave birth to my niece! My brother rang with the news, she weighed in at 6lb 9oz. After a problematic pregnancy, I am so very glad she is here safely and that SIL is fine too. Not sure when I will get to see her, but hopefully soon. Nigel knew SIL was pregnant before he died, so hopefully he is looking down on this happiness too.

I have been a busy bee today, sorting out the mess that is my scrap room. It isn't there just yet but it is heaps better than it was! I have sorted through so much stuff, and relegated some to the girls' craft box. Hmm, maybe that means I have to actually do some crafting with them! I even managed to do a LO this evening, of a favourite photo of Sophie in the bath with Daniel, Joe and Lydia, several years ago now. As it shows them in the bath, I won't be sharing it but I am pleased with how it looks!

Mood wise I have felt better today. Still fairly teary, just keeps hitting me in waves. The girls went to the Sculpture Park with my parents, so it was good to have a break from them. I love them both to bits, but spending every minute of every day with them is so very wearing. Only a few more weeks til Easter...

Censorship

It seems that an Egyptian blogger has been jailed for expressing their own opinion. Hmm. Somehow I doubt I will end up in the same boat, nothing I say is interesting enough!
Anyway, I've been to Lighterlife this evening, and my total loss is now 34 lb yippee!!!! Feeling fantastic about that. I also had some help with the girls this evening which was better.
Now mum and dad are here, so I am going to be able to have some me time over the weekend. Time to get tidying that scraproom!

Amazing what a chat can do

Today I got my membership details through from WAY, an organisation for people under the age of 50 who have been widowed. I ended up chatting with Sharon, the local organiser. SHe lost her husband to a heart attack whilst he was on holiday too.
I feel as if a weight has been lifted. It was so good to talk things through with someone who knew exactly how I felt, understood everything I am going through. My lack of support from people who promised it hasn't changed, but I know now that it is what usually happens.
ANyway, I am off to bed now, try and get some sleep.
Thanks for reading.

For Peter

My friend Sarah's husband Peter is waiting for a heart transplant. Please watch this.

Photo and video editing at onetruemedia.com

Feel like I have hit the brick wall

I am so tired. Sorry to moan but I am so very tired. I am in need of a break but all the offers of help with the girls which came in when Nigel died have vanished into thin air. My life is an eternal whirlwind. It seems that unless I make an effort with people they don't want to know.

Can you tell that I am feeling spectacularly low tonight?

Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezing

The heating was broken at work today. When I arrived my classroom was 13 degrees. Blimey I was cold all day! The children are not coming in tomorrow morning, and hopefully the heating will be fixed by lunchtime so that the children can come in in the afternoon.
I had to give up on getting anything done this evening as Alex has been very grumpy. I think she is getting the last of her teeth, the biggies at the very back. She has a bit of a cough this evening, and I have her in bed with me. There are nights when it is just easier to do that than to get up and down all night.
I have a million and one layouts in my head waiting to be done. All I need is some time to myself.
If anyone fancies coming and giving me a hand with the girls, I think I am at the point just now where that would be greatly appreciated... I am heading for exhaustion....

Time waits for nobody

Blimey I have been busy this weekend. No visit from Jo as sadly her car is poorly :(
We spent yesterday afternoon with Belinda and the girls, which was ace. Then today we went to see Grandma Jean, then this afternoon Kristiina, my uni friend came for lunch.
In between all that I have been trying to get clutter under control. This house is doing my head in. So far I have cleared out several cupboards in the kitchen, the under stairs cupboard, and sorted through the box of Nigel's things from work.
So far so good but still there is so much stuff in this house. I just need the loft conversion to be done, so that I can get everything where it needs to be permanently!
I am in the middle of doing the risk assessments for the year 5 London visit, which is a mammoth task, definitely worth it tho!
So a busy few weeks coming up, even tho it is another short half term.
And before we know it, we will be off to Ballina to see Cliona and co!

It's time to Scrapagogo!

Received my February Scrapagogo kit yesterday. Wow, what a lot of beautiful papers in one box. And lots of other lovely things too. Already I am planning what to do with them, but between now and Monday I have plenty of other things to do.
I am joining a new CJ on UKScrappers as I have just got back my CJ of 2001 for Sophie. I thought I had better have a 2004 one for Alex, so fortunately lots of other scrappers were interested in joining in. Now my big dilemma is which papers to use to decorate the cover. Do I go for Blonde Moments, which I used for Sophie's journal, or BG Blush, or the gorgeous Bo Bunny papers which came in the Scrapagogo kit....
I also want to make a Flip book of the girls. I have plenty of photographs to choose from! I have 2 flip books so I am planning on making one for Jean's birthday. I haven't got time to finish it in time for her actual birthday, but I know she will be happy to wait.
I want to scrap tonight but alas I have books to mark, risk assessments to complete, planning to do.....

Woooooooohooooooooooooooo!

Went to Lighterlife last night to find that I have now lost 2 stone!! I am over the moon to have got there already, so here's to losing more weight in the next part of foundation!

Busy days craft wise this week. I have finally got my team CJs finished so today I will be posting them off. I really lost the desire to do them, which is a shame because I really enjoy CJs. Anyway, I've got that desire back now so there's no stopping me! Need to sort out that craft room tho, it's still a bombsite and needs to be put into order!

Last day of the holidays today. We've had a good week, but going back to work is always a wrench. Yesterday Alex passed her hearing test which was fantastic news. She failed her last one miserably, which resulted in her having her grommets fitted. She doesn't have perfect hearing, but scored well enough for them not to need to see her again. I just hope now that Alex's grommets stay put and don't fall out too soon! I am going to be referred back to LGI for my ENT stuff as I am fed up of Dewsbury giving me the run around. The sleep clinic said I didn't have any issues and so didn't want to see me, but ENT have different ideas and want me to do an overnight study. So how exactly do I do an overnighter in hospital then, especially as it isn't really necessary? Enough is enough so I'm off back to LGI to see Mr Knight. No doubt I will have to wait a fair while for my appointment, but that doesn't matter in the long run. At least I will be much slimmer by the time my appointment comes through, so I won't get the lecture on how losing weight will solve all my problems! I know losing weight will help a lot of things, but there's no need to preach to me about it over and over.

Valentine's has been and gone

Thank goodness for that. Today has been a funny one emotionally. Nigel was never much good at Valentine's Day, but we always went out together for a meal just afterwards. We wanted to avoid the crowds and the price hike of the day itself. So we would probably have been going out together this weekend if things were different. This year I partook of a caramel 'muffin' and a chocolate shake from the Maison Lighterlife. Hardly glamorous, but the end result will be worth it.
Regardless of how good or bad Nigel was at romantic stuff, today I really missed him. There is such a big gap in my life. My girls fill my time and I love them immensely, but today I have really felt that gap. I don't need someone to fill that gap. I need Nigel. But he's not here so I have to get on with it.

On a more positive note, today I wore some jeans which I last wore to Sophie's birthday party. Then I had to shoe horn myself into them and they weren't comfy at all. Today I had to hold them up with a belt and they were seriously loose. Small things make dieting worthwhile.

There's no place like home

We had a lovely time in Oxford but I am glad to be home. I always miss being at home when I am away, regardless of where I am. The drive home was ok, busy but not too bad. The washing machine has been on several times already, and there is still more to do!
Got me some new troll beads today so I will take some photographs tomorrow and post more then.

Yippee!!!

I emailed Lighterlife HQ with a link to my blog with the journal photo on, and they have got back in touch! They want me to fill in some forms once I have completed management with a view to me being in either the magazine or even part of national PR! I know it's only a maybe at the moment, but it has made me feel good! And I know I have to complete management as otherwise I will just end up putting all the weight I plan to lose back on!
Here's hoping I get to the two sonte lost point on Thursday!

Printer's Drawer??

I would love to do one of those, although I don't have time to do it at the same pace as others doing Jane's challenge.
Does anyone know where I can get my hands on one please?

Bekonscot Model Village - what a fab place!

Today we ventured out of Oxford and over to Buckinghamshire. First we called at my grandma's, which was nice, although sad too as grandad wasn't there. Thgen I took the girls to Asda and the Macdonald's there for lunch. After we'd picked up some bits of fruit and snacky stuff for tea, we headed over to Beaconsfield to Bekonscot, a fabulous model village. We had a fantastic time wandering around, looking at the houses, shops, and loads of other villages. The girls were entranced by it all. After a mini milk lolly (brr as it's February but it was what the girls wanted lol), we had a ride on the train, which was great too.

Now we are back in Oxford and preparing for a nice quiet evening. The girls are whacked, and I am glad to be back here. Got parked more easily this time, but still not outside the house. Tomorrow we are due to meet up with a friend, so I need to contact her and find out what's happening. I also have the boring task of some marking to do. Ah well!

Yesterday

Yesterday it was exactly 6 months since Nigel died. I didn't post about it then as I have been posting about it on a couple of forums and getting some fantastic support. Thanks everyone.
When I went to bed last night, I had a good old think about how things have changed since August. Everything has to be well planned otherwise I would never leave the house even close to being on time! Getting a cleaner has been a fantastic move. It really has saved my sanity. Before I sorted that out, keeping on top of the house was really getting me down. As I faced going back to work, I knew I wouldn't be able to cope with work, looking after the kids and doing all the cleaning. I have surprised myself with the washing and ironing lately, keeping up to date much more easily than I expected!
The girls are generally happy and doing well at their various haunts. Sophie still has weepy moments, but we have a cuddle and talk about why she feels sad. Alex is regularly convinced that Nigel is at work and will be home soon. That is hard but as she gets older she will learn that unfortunately that isn't the case.

Enough of my ramblings. Not had any comments lately.... is there anyone out there?

City of dreaming spires

Here we are in Oxford. We are staying in a lovely house not far from the centre. Parking is horrendous tho. Took me a fair few attempts to get parked, and even that was a walk down the road as I couldn't get close to the house! Not sure I could cope with that every day.
Tomorrow we are off to the model village at Bekonscot. I have wanted to take the girls there for ages, just never got round to it. We will go and see Grandma too hopefully, even if only for a little while. We won't visit grandad as I don't think it would be a good idea for the girls. I wish I could go and see grandad on my own, but there isn't anyone to leave them with unfortunately.
Anyway, no time or facilities for scrapping for a few days but I have lots to do when I get home. My temporary scrap room needs to be tidied BIG time, and sorted out. I got a delivery of a new trimmer today before I left. My Making Memories one was RUBBISH so I have got me a fiskars one. A collection pack of BG blush just happened to slip in there too.... and some rub ons...... lol :D

School's out

Well I'm done for the half term, even if school doesn't break up til tomorrow. Ah, the joys of not working on Fridays!
This was a hard half term, I have really worked my socks off.
I did get weighed again tonight and I have now reached 25.3 lb lost since starting Lighterlife. That made me feel altogether more positive.
No time for any crafting today, but I will get a bit done tomorrow before I get packed to go to Oxford.
Now for some sleep!

A Mile for Maude

In January this year a beautiful little girl was taken from us. Maude was just 2 years old when she died. Nigel's death was a shock but at least he had 40 years on this earth. Maude's life had barely begun, but for some reason it had to end. I can't even begin to understand the pain her family have felt since she died. I understand the shock they felt when she was taken so suddenly, but not in the same way as losing a child must leave you feeling. I hope and pray it is not a feeling I ever have to experience.

So in memory of Maude, the girls and I will be walking A Mile for Maude on Saturday 12th May. If you would like to join us, check out the website for your nearest venue. Organisation is in the early stages, but there is bound to be a venue near you.

Sleep tight Maude.

Pictures at last

Some gift voucher cards for a friend of mine....











Card making doesn't do it for me like it used to. Am definitely more of a scrapper now!

Next are the covers for my 2007 journal. I want to record lots of positive memories of 2007 for the girls and I to look back on in the years to come. As you know, 2006 was hideous, and I want lots of good memories of 2007.





Sorry the pics are scans but I am never at home during daylight hours lately, so a scan will have to do! I still need to photograph my Macho Man LO of Nigel and the sledge hammer, and finish the Hen Party mini book!

Tomorrow is gymnastics day, Alex with gyminis with Brenda at 1.30, and then Sophie's full on gymnastics at 5.45. I am so tired tonight, glad to have finished my two full days at work for the week. Everyone at work is ready for half term, lots of people are really run down and in need of a break. The biggest thing for me is not having to leave the house at stupid o'clock every morning to get to work. It breaks my heart to have to get the girls out of bed when they are still so sleepy. Roll on the warmer weather and lighter mornings. It definitely felt better this morning when we left in daylight at 7.45am.

Grandad is doing ok. Not much change yet but that is how it goes after a major stroke.

Getting things done

This weekend has been really productive for me in a lot of ways. I have been worrying a lot about Grandad so it has helped me to keep busy. I have started an accordion book containing photos of my hen night. I have been putting all my photographs into a stronger set of boxes, and came across these so figured it was time to use them! I am using lots of lovely Blonde Moments papers along with various rub ons and embellishments. I will post pics once it is all done, and then you can have a really good chuckle!
I also found some pictures of Nigel wielding a sledge hammer, so I used them on a LO for his book. Finally I transferred his LO into his album. I have been looking through my LO and have decided that I need a really special album for my BOM, so if you have any suggestions please leave me a comment.
I also made 3 cards today for my pal who wants to use them to hold gift vouchers for her new business. I'll do photos tomorrow and then she can decide if they are what she's after.
I have finally managed to claim the dining room as a temporary craft room. I was finding it really hard work to clear everything away at night, ready for breakfast in the morning, so I spent the princely sum of £89.90 at Ikea and got me a lovely table and 4 chairs to go in the conservatory. It is much more practical, plus it means the dining room is all mine! Now to sort through all the stash.....

Hard few days

It's been a hard few days. My cold turned into a full blown chest infection so I have been feeling lousy. Then on Friday morning I heard that my grandad, who is 84, had a stroke at 1.30am. He is in hospital in High Wycombe, but he is paralysed down his left side at the moment. I am worried about him, and also about my grandma who is 85. Praying for a good level of recovery.