Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Getting over it

I still get asked from time to time if I have got over Nigel's death. Hmm. Then I have to explain that no, I haven't got over Nigel's death, and that I never will. To me, I explain, it is more about getting on with my life in a different way to how I'd planned it. It is hard to explain the disappointment I feel that my life is not how I had hoped. However, I am working hard to make my life something more than full of sadness because Nigel has died.
It is easy to let sadness overwhelm my life, but I must admit that I feel I am getting better at controlling such sadness. Different dates are hard, like birthdays, anniversaries, etc, so I have to prepare myself mentally about looking positively to the future.
I wonder how life would be if Nigel was still here? If he had survived his heart attack, he probably would have had to have had major heart surgery, so he would have had to make some changes. It would have meant changes for us too, but to what extent we'll never know.
We would most probably still be living where we are now, with me working at the same school, Nigel still at the council, and the girls settled at their school. Nigel would still be enjoying a pint at the New Inn, just round the corner.
Easy to wonder how life would have been if it wasn't for the events of August 10th 2006...


Lynda Moss said...


so sorry to read about the loss of your husband. You will never get over it but as you said you will learn to cope with it. I think as time goes on you get better at controlling emotions and only occasionally get really caught out.

A friend recently lost her husband to cancer, he was just 37, she is just 31 and they have two young boys, her birthday is coming up next week and I know she feels desperately sad.

Next week it is also going to be 6 yrs since we lost our little man, Thomas, at birth, not a day goes by when I don't think of him, our family can never be complete again.

So much sadness for so many good people eh?

I wish you and your beautiful girls strength for the difficult times.

Lynda x

Samantha said...

The best advice I had about grief was that you don't get over it, you learn to live with the wound. You and your children are being very brave. I am so sorry.

Susy Rudy said...


You kindly posted on my blog and having quickly read through yours I want to thank you for the support you have offered. I have never heard of WAY so would be very very interested. You can email me direct on susyrudette@hotmail.com and yes, I would love to meet up with you - by the way what a wonderful picture.

Lots of love