Time to eat

Still here
still feeling crap

but on a positive note I went to my first management meeting tonight, and I will be eating a piece of salmon later today. Wow. My first food for 155 days other than Lighterlife food packs. I also discovered I have lost another 3 lb so I am 6 lb under target weight. And 1lb away from having lost 7 stone. Blimey, 7 stone, that is scary!

Made my bed today...

Sounds bizarre but today I have made my bed properly for the first time since before the loft conversion was started. I have had all sorts of things stored in my bedroom, and so have been unable to make the bed in the way I truly like. Odd, I know, but that is just how it is! So tonight I will enjoy getting into a made bed for the first time in ages! Small things keep me happy....

My mood is still not great. I have felt very weepy repeatedly today. The thing that scares me most is how close I have come to having a panic attack. Life is smothering me, and I am trying to keep my head above water. So if you haven't spoken to me for a while and did in the past, give me a ring, so I know you haven't forgotten me. Come and see the girls. Friends are what I need just now.

Attention all ticker haters....

I have had this weight loss ticker since starting Lighterlife, and have it in my signature on a weight loss forum I post on.
I have been to LL tonight and check out the results..... I am now 6 stone 9lb lighter than I was in January. Feeling good about my success there.

On other issues, things are not so great. My mood is sliding so if anyone knows a good way to make me feel better, please get in touch.

Father's Day....

I am in need of a sleeping pill to go to sleep on Saturday night and wake up on Monday. This year I would like father's day to pass us by. It's not that I want to deny that Nigel was ever here, I just feel so desperately sad that on Father's Day my two beautiful girls will be without their daddy. Having spent today with other members of WAY, the harsh reality that all those children face next weekend is too much. I am glad that facing Father's Day is ten months down the line for us. It must be horrific for those who are in the early days. Sophie's class don't make father's day cards as there are too many children in school who don't have contact with their dads. But in nursery, they do make cards, so I have asked that Alex makes one for my dad, addressed to Grampy.
Nothing really to report now. The loft is nearly decorated, and the carpet is being fitted on Tuesday. Then we wait for the furniture for mum and dad's room. Move the pull up bed to the other room and start sorting through the boxes of crap which control my house. ARGH.

Mojo, mojo, where are you?

It has started to reappear this evening. I had a CJ entry to do and once I got started I ended up doing a LO for a new album I am doing. I will photograph it tomorrow as the light is not enough tonight. I really enjoyed it, so I can't wait to get my new scrap room sorted. Just can't decide whether or not to have it painted or keep it lemon for now. Hopefully the joiners will be here on 18th June to build my desk.
So until tomorrow when I upload the photo of the LO....

And so it is done

The loft is finished in terms of building work. AT LAST! Mark from TL came and checked it all over today. Buildings regs have got to come and inspect, but I know they will be ages in coming. The decorator is now hard at work (well not right now as it is 11.20pm!) and the carpets for the two bedrooms and vinyl for the diddy bathroom are coming to be fitted on Monday. I ordered the new furniture for mum and dad's room today. Beautiful oak furniture, and it should be here in four weeks or less. Hopefully less, and then I can get on with sorting the girls' new bedrooms out and moving everything round.
Argh
What am I doing.... the house is upside down!
Nipped into gap tonight for some new Boy cut jeans. They have to be the most comfortable jeans on the planet. Got into some 14s which was good. Bought a jumper too, but that was too big so it will go back asap. I picked out a large through habit, and it looked silly. Not sure about the colour tho so will reassess that when I go back.

Alex is starting swimming lessons tomorrow at my gym. She is having an individual lesson as I think she needs the attention. Will be interesting to see if she will get in without me!

Back to my reports... but not without posting today's her space my space prompt of bread. A quick snap of forbidden french bread...

9 days and counting....

So it is nine days until I start management with Lighterlife. This means I will be reintroducing food slowly but surely over a 12 week period.
I was delighted when I realised tonight that I am 2 lb from my target weight. I was chatting with my mum tonight about it all and we realised that I am the lightest I have been since I was 13!
Other than that, it has been work, sleep, work, choose new carpets, ring the loft conversion company and shout at them, work, sleep, work. Yuck. No fun for me at the moment. I did get my ironing back today. Wow. I am soooo impressed. Not cheap as there was loads to do, but definitely a service worth using from time to time. Especially with work clothes which I hate ironing! As it is summer just now I wear more t shirts for work, but when it gets colder and I am back in blouses and formal trousers I will send them to the ironing service every week. Definitely worth saving my sanity!
Nothing else to report so I will sign off for now.
Oh yes, one more thing. Happy 2nd Birthday Oliver!

Back to work blues

Boo hoo back to work tomorrow. Wish I could stay home, especially as my childminder is away on holiday so I have had to ask my parents to take the girls to and from school. Would be so much easier if I could take them myself. But alas no, it's got to be done.

I have got the washing sorted at last, and the ironing pile is ENORMOUS, but mum and dad are taking that to the ironing service tomorrow. There is no way I have time to sort it at the moment, so I am taking the lazy option. In the past, Nigel would always take a couple of extra days off after a holiday to get the washing and ironing sorted. Now that it's just me, my holidays are not flexible so there are two overflowing baskets waiting to go to Drighlington tomorrow.

Her Space My Space is on hold for me, I should get a chance on Wednesday and I will take all the photos. I have really enjoyed the few I have taken so far. I'm also going to have a go at some photography at school, class photos no less so I am going to have to buy me a tripod. Any recommendations would be welcomed.

So onwards and upwards, time to tidy up my planning for the week and get me to bed.

Home again

Shame really as we had a fantastic time. We did very little really, just went between the hotel and the pool, and the beach. The girls adored the beach, and Sophie was in heaven when she was in the water. Dad bought them both an inflatable ring to use in the water. Sophie certainly got her money's worth with hers, and her laughter could be heard all over the beach when she was riding it on the waves!

The hotel was great, right on the beach, and the girls were able to choose from the buffet for their meals. Sophie ate a cooked breakfast every morning, and Alex managed to consume her own body weight in melon every day! I stuck with my lighterlife shakes, as I am so close to target that I didn't want a set back at this point.

ANd while I am on the subject of Lighterlife, I am aware that there is a person who reads my blog who has been criticising my decision to do Lighterlife. I know that they actually know nothing about Lighterlife, and as usual they are claiming to know it all when actually they know very little. I have to see my GP for checks every 4 weeks, so it is fully supervised and safe. And do you really think I would do something to put myself at risk now that my girls only have me?

I got back from Menorca to find a fantastic parcel from Holland. Wow, thank you so much! Drop, hagelslag, stroopwafels, speculaas... I am looking forward to savouring them once I am back onto food, and they will last a long time! I will be in touch to organise a little something in return for your kindness.

Well I had better get back to the washing mountain that is currently consuming this house. Yuck. That part of going on holiday I really hate! So think of me as I stand behind the ironing board....

Pamper Day

Prompt today was polish, so as Becky, my mobile beautician pal was here painting the girls' toenails, I decided to go for this interpretation of polish! Gorgeous colour, don'tcha think!

Packing furiously now, so this will be my last post until June. I am so in need of some beach time......

Path

Well I must have looked like a prize idiot, laid on my garden path this tea time! Managed to get an ok shot tho, so not too bad.

Been to Lighterlife this evening, and I've done it, I've hit the big 6 stone lost! Yippee, am so happy to have done that in time for my holidays! We fly out on Friday morning at stupid o'clock (otherwise known as 6.15 am) so we will be able to hit the beach in the afternoon.

Not sure if I will have time to check in while we're away, but I will try.

Cheers!

A photo of my latest minibook as promised. The photos were taken in summer 1996 when I was at University. The University Symphony Orchestra toured the Oban area of Scotland. We did several concerts, and the rest of the time was spent in a stupour! Drunk isn't quite enough of a description I don't think! On the way home I looked absolutely shocking, having only spent an hour in bed without an alcoholic drink in my hand. Makes me shudder now. Yuck.

I have attracted some Dutch visitors as Anita lives in the Netherlands. I saw one blogger's take on cookies was speculaas cookies. Gingerbread, dutch style. Yum yum . Having spent a year living in Enschede whilst studying with Jaap van Zweden at the Conservatorium, I learned to love so many Dutch foods. Drop, stroopwaffels, olliebollen, haagelslag, vla, and the Indonesian food which was so readily available there too. Nasi goreng, bami, more yum yum!!! I need a visit to Amsterdam so I can fit in an Indonesian meal again, washed down with a nice vasje of Amstel or Grolsch.

If anyone would like to send me some of the Dutch food listed above, leave me a comment and I'll be in touch...... LOL :D

My first attempt....

This is my attempt at Anita and Kirsty's prompt over on Her Space My Space. Anyway, the word today is cookies. In our house, jaffa cakes rule supreme on the cookie front. We have several other types of cookies/biscuits/whatever you want to call them, but it is the jaffa cakes which always go first. Not even the Pink Panther pink wafer biccies can beat the jaffa cakes!

I actually managed to do some scrapping today. Made me a mini book using some cracking photos taken when I was at uni. I will photograph it later and possibly post a pic...

It felt great to get back into my scrap room and actually have the desire to scrap. Once again my mojo had departed, but it seems to be returning. I have a joiner coming tomorrow to measure up for a purpose built scrapping desk in my new scrap room. I want lots of shelves in there too, so in no time it will be a permanent place for me to scrap. The dining room has been great as a temporary home for now, but once that is clear I am looking forward to being able to go and scrap in the evenings without interruption!

The dining room will become a toy room, and so hopefully my house will look like less of a toy shop. The loft is getting closer to completion every day, and Jim the joiner has been putting door frames in today. Hopefully the sparky will sort out the electrics tomorrow, and then the toilet and washbasin, and the radiators, will go in on Wednesday. Then it's the bannister..... who knows exactly when it will be finished, but in the next week for sure!

Photographic evidence....

Here I was back in January on the day I started Lighterlife



And here I am today, just short of six, yes six stone lighter.

Fat girl slim?

If I manage to lose 3 pounds this week then I will have lost 6 stone since January. Total loss is 80 lb. Scary. More than both my children put together. And I have been lugging that round in flab. Gross.

I now have 10lb to get to my target weight. I will still be classed as slightly heavier than the government thinks I should be, but I am very very happy with how I am looking lately. I bought a skirt last week which was a size 14. That was a very good moment for me! I think I need to slow down my shopping though.... I have been buying lots of gorgeous clothes lately! I just need a few more things for my holiday to Menorca.........

Reminiscing....

First piccie was taken October 2004 and we sent it as a CHristmas card to family and some friends.
The second picture was taken in August when Sophie was 2.5 and Alex was 4 months.

Bit better today. Just looking at these pictures shows how fast life is passing us by. Alex had another attempt at a tantrum tonight but I ignored it. She didn't want to go to bed but I kept on with putting her back. Both she and Sophie spurned my spag bol, so most of that ended up in the bin *sigh*.

Tomorrow night it is tea by request. Hot dogs. Wowee how healthy. Officers of the Food Police, please don't shoot me down in flames.

Everything in moderation eh?

Toddler Tamer Required

Apply in writing asap to....



This is my youngest daughter, Alexandra, known as Alex. Blimey she is hard work. Enough to drive you to distraction. She was hard work when there were two of us dealing with her, but now that it is just me from Monday to Friday it verges on horrific. This evening she spurned the meal I had cooked for her, and then went to rummage in the fridge for what she fancied. Then at bath time she decided she wanted to wear my bathrobe and not her own. What followed was a prolonged period of screaming, whilst I held her tight and dried her, put pyjamas on and put her to bed. The screaming continued, but fortunately she was tired and so fell asleep about 20 minutes later.
Alex's behaviour is testing. It sends me towards the edge at times as I wonder how on earth I will handle it alone.
So as a result, tonight I feel very, very alone. Faced with bringing up my two girls, Sophie is a breeze but Alex is certainly pushing all the wrong buttons. My life is too much of a rollercoaster ride for me to handle. But of course I will get on with it. Accept it. Deal with it. Even when I don't really want to.

Fab weekend.... shame it had to end

What a great weekend, and fortunately nice and relaxing too. It was fantastic to see my bestest bud from school again, and made it even more frustrating that she lives in Bath, so far from us here in Leeds.
On Saturday we went into Leeds and I parted with just short of £100 for shoes for the girls. Had to be done, and it couldn't be done cheaply that's for sure. Then Jo and I hit the shops, going into Fat Face on Briggate.
Wow what lovely clothes. Came out with a swimsuit for Sophie, a belt for me and a gorgeous airlie sweat for me. Ended up with a small man's sweatshirt as the women's ones were not quite what I was looking for. Hit Lush too, and Jo bought her 400th pair of plip plops. Need to get me some methinks. ALthough I have spent plenty on clothes and shoes lately.....
On Saturday afternoon we did some gardening, or maybe that should be described as hard labour... we dug up turf and laid new turf too, Jo wasn't expecting that bless her! My garden does look rather lovely now, and on its way to how I want it to be.
Saturday night was spent in the company of the gorgeous Daniel Craig, as we drooled over Casino Royale. Wow, I just lurve Bond.
Then yesterday we chilled out, nipped to Curry's to get a new kettle, and then spent most of the day either in the garden or laid on the sofas.
After feeding Jo up on her favourite food for lunch, she set off back to Bath.
And that's where I wish it wasn't so far.
Miss you already mate, but thanks for coming up and cheering me up BIG TIME!

Farewell Happy Mood

Yep, it's gone. Out the door quicker than Jack Flash. And all because there are people out there who think they can treat you badly. I am not even bothered about the reason for the nastiness, just astounded at how people can be so SPINELESS!
I had an experience on a similar line last year, when someone was hugely nasty to me over something very small. Ended up with lots of nasty rumours being circulated about me which were most definitely not true. But then after Nigel died, into my email inbox popped a message saying how sorry they were and how much they missed our friendship.
So sorry that they never got in touch again. Like, er, whatever. I don't have time in my life for shallow, spineless people. If people make the effort for me, I will return the effort. Gone are the days when I do the running after friends. They are not true friends if they will leave me in the lurch, are they?
Oh well, back to the drawing board, no skin off my nose, so to speak.

Clean bill of health

Having slept from 4.45pm yesterday on and off, I felt much better today, but still hugely tired. I went to see my GP this morning, and was given a clean bill of health. I had some blood taken, and she reassured me that the Lighterlife diet had nothing to do with the faint. She said it is so well balanced nutritionally that I am better off than most people who eat normal food. She also said that I should continue with the diet to get to a healthy weight, as being overweight does carry so many health risks.
So I went and had a chat with my LL counsellor, and it was great to talk things through. As I missed my last weigh in because I was in London, I jumped on the scales for an informal weigh in, and I have now lost 5 stone 4 pounds!!! That leaves me within grasping distance of my target weight, which is just fantastic!
No work again tomorrow to help me feel better, plus I have an ENT appointment at the LGI. Might just have to fit in some retail therapy as so many of my clothes don't fit....